The Inherited Hurt: Healing the Parts of You That Were Never Broken

Some hurts are so old, we don't even recognise them as wounds. They live in the way we shrink ourselves. In the way we question our worth. In the way we search for love, approval, and belonging — sometimes from people who can't even give it.

And if you’ve ever asked yourself,
"Why do I always feel like I’m not enough?"
"Why do I keep repeating the same painful patterns?"
"What’s wrong with me?"
I want you to hear this clearly:
Nothing was ever wrong with you.
You were carrying hurt that wasn’t yours to carry.

The Legacy We Didn’t Choose

Pain, like beauty, is often passed down through generations.
Not because our parents or caregivers didn’t love us — but because many of them were carrying their own unresolved wounds. Wounds they never had the tools, the space, or the permission to heal.

Maybe they were raised by people who withheld affection.
Maybe they were taught that love had to be earned.
Maybe they were made to feel invisible, unworthy, or "too much" themselves.

And without even realising it, they handed that pain to us.
Not out of cruelty.
Out of survival.
Out of habit.
Out of not knowing a different way.

We inherited their fears.
Their doubts.
Their walls.
Their longing to feel like enough.

How Inherited Hurt Shows Up

If you carry inherited hurt, it can quietly shape your life in ways you don’t even realise:

• You constantly seek validation — but it never feels like enough.

• You fear abandonment, even in healthy relationships.

• You stay small, safe, unseen — because being visible feels dangerous.

• You achieve, succeed, overgive — trying to prove your worth.

• You carry a low, steady hum of shame — even when you’re doing your best.

It’s exhausting.
And it’s heartbreaking.
Because it makes you think the problem is you — when really, you’ve been trying to survive someone else’s unfinished story.

The Truth You Need to Hear

Your worth was never broken.
Your light was never lost.
Your soul was never damaged beyond repair.

You learned to adapt to pain that wasn’t meant to be yours.
You armoured up in ways that made perfect sense for the little person you once were.
You survived with extraordinary courage.

And now?
Now you have the chance to do what they couldn't.
You have the chance to heal.

How We Begin to Heal

🌿 We acknowledge the story — but we refuse to let it define us.
Understanding where your hurt came from is powerful. But healing comes when you realise it’s not your forever story.

🌿 We grieve.
It’s okay to grieve the love you didn’t get, the validation you didn’t receive, the safety you craved. Grief is not weakness — it’s sacred acknowledgment.

🌿 We choose differently.
One boundary.
One brave conversation.
One act of self-kindness at a time.

🌿 We offer ourselves the compassion we always deserved.
You don’t have to earn your healing. You only have to allow it.

Final Thought

You are not broken.
You are not unworthy.
You are not too much — and you never were.

You are the one brave enough to stop the cycle.
You are the one strong enough to lay down what was never truly yours to carry.
You are the one who gets to heal the parts of yourself that were always whole underneath the hurt.

And if you’re ready to start that journey — you don’t have to do it alone.
I’m here to walk beside you, every step of the way.

Because healing isn’t about becoming someone new.
It’s about remembering who you were before the world told you otherwise.

— Sandra Rives